steadying myself

"Mama has the earth moved?"
That was the first question I was greeted with this morning as a sleepy eyed three year old boy ran in to me in the kitchen, fresh from dawn cloud gazing.
Of course it was just the clouds that were visibly moving... but little did he know just how timely his observation was for this Mama.
You see the earth has moved...metaphorically....right under my feet.
The demons that plagued this little family here won out just before Christmas and those demons saw me here managing alone with my babes and a big wound in my heart.
It's funny almost 4 months on that I feel I can finally put it out here now. Not that the earth has quite stopped moving on me yet... no way, those complications seem to have their exhausting way of prolonging their untangling.... but it just hasn't felt right before to share this change here, even though as a result this blog has also outwardly changed somewhat in focus, feel and commitment during that time. I wonder if you felt it?
I'm hoping now to turn that right around, though there may be more soul sharing in amongst it all as I travel and ever so hesitantly explore this scary path further. So as those clouds still blow overhead, the first guava's fall from our tree, the autumn snow peas poke their heads through the earth and the girls lay perhaps the last of their summers eggs, and as we prepare ourselves for the cool of winter ahead, I will continue to steady myself on this shaky new ground until the earth moves right around to spring for me again.

bassinettes, beads, bellies and babes

There's a new little soul about to join our clan in just a month or so
and we've been busy trying to honour the Mama-to-be in just the right ways.
The century old bassinet has re-emerged, waiting, fluffed and filled with images for every Mama-past of this family of their own sweet newborns tucked tenderly within it... myself and my own included.
We've celebrated in her home by filling it with loving friends each supporting and connecting with her through wishes, stories, henna, maybe a few cupcakes and a precious strand of birthing beads....
and again later we've symbolically shared and extended that connectedness amongst this tight clan of ours with henna too.... even though the men folk may have found the car racing just as enticing after... the imagery of them above touches my heart in the warmest way.
Our beautiful Jen is about to join the blessed ranks of Motherhood
and she is entering it surrounded by the most amazing women friends and loved ones...
and one sister whose soul is just shining to bursting for her right now.

the last of summer

We've been munching melons...
straight from our garden.

Opportunistic rogues who made themselves at home here thanks to my Summer compost shuffles and garden renovations.
The last juicy fruits of the season it feels like as today saw me in my morning spot outside with my hot tea at 6am...with sleeves! Yes sleeves.
There's a chill in that breeze that's come to visit for a few days after the rain.
So with thoughts of Winter veg in my head the garden has been planted again while fare welling the last of Summer...

other than just one more taste of melon that's stored in my fridge...
and welcoming what is to come with the Autumn.

gathering

I've been finding myself gathering things.
Flowers seeds shells leaves feathers.... and strength.
But it's all the seeds from the garden, aside from their own abundance and beauty and purpose,
that have me thinking most.
There is something about their cycles and potential.
How much potential there is within a single one is something quite astounding.
And as I quietly gather and admire these seeds from my garden
I am also aware that to a certain extent I am gathering them for within myself as well right now
A little symbolism of life lately...
Gathering up exhaustingly for the harsh Winters of existence and hopefully awaiting the potential of a new Spring and a deep exhalation.
For like those I gather from the garden,
the seeds we gather for our souls can only attract the most beautiful things into the gardens that lie within us as well... right?

sunset

the sun is noticeably shifting again
sunset is reaching the sill of my kitchen
and from the other direction sunrise is casting crystal rainbows through the same
it's still all about the flowers from my garden here
and sun
and heat
and trips to the sea
but then it is February now after all

just us here

Wandering the garden this morning with my tea

As I find myself needing to do each and every morning

The bird song

The chickens

Fat boy awaiting my treats

And the bees

Just us here

There are sunflowers standing tall and proud in my garden again

There's something about them that just makes me smile

I think it's a combination of their larger than life existence

The way they tower over my head

Their green leaves that could easily cover more than one dinner plate each

My eyes can't help but be drawn to their vibrant yellow and then skyward

and I dream of climbing them, just like Jack and his beanstalk

I wonder what sunny land would live at the top of such beauty

Floating in the Flood

Seems all this rain has taken it's toll...
I've returned from a stay at the farm to a former river city that has quickly gone underwater....no *river* to speak of.
A raging brown torrent exists instead and deserted city streets strangely filling with calm yet dirty rising water.
The sun has eerily been shining here since yesterday
and the footage I have been watching on the TV has been so incredibly surreal.
Streets and places I have walked and driven are not even recognisable now.



but ever so gratefully me and mine are safe and dry and if not for the footage and the strangely quiet streets and empty supermarket shelves we would not even know what is occurring just *down the road*.
Homes submerged... restaurants, pontoons, jetty's and boats washed down river and out to the bay.



And compared to those in a neighbouring city up on the range we are the lucky ones.
My heart breaks for those with no warning. Lost.






Queenslanders are a tough bunch though. Even our animal friends are banding together.

It's a humbling experience.
The power of Mother Nature and our vulnerability even in the *big* city.

My heart is with those suffering...please spare a little of yours too?

Here's a little more on the disaster...

new days

a new year...

new days...

1.1.11

Those very numbers must denote a new beginning mustn't they?

I was home alone last night

not through want of celebratory invitations and phonecalls and possibility,

but through a need for quiet

and contemplation

and quietness as my babes peacefully and innocently slept around me, oh so soundly.

Contemplation of life's twists and turns and meaning.

Today is a new day...coincidentally a new year... open to me...

a crossroad

a blessing and a curse

a challenge and a reply...

a look at what was reaped and sown throughout the last...

a slow deep breath after a long swim against the tide.

I'm not usually one for new year sentimentality

and truth be told I struggle to stay awake to even see one in,

just as I did last night...

but sometimes, just sometimes

the universe throws us a new beginning we need...

a reason to be sentimental

and grateful

and strong

and vulnerable

and me.

Happy new days everyone.

May they bring all the new opportunities and peace you need also.