...Homemade Rainbows...

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

steadying myself

"Mama has the earth moved?"
That was the first question I was greeted with this morning as a sleepy eyed three year old boy ran in to me in the kitchen, fresh from dawn cloud gazing.
Of course it was just the clouds that were visibly moving... but little did he know just how timely his observation was for this Mama.
You see the earth has moved...metaphorically....right under my feet.
The demons that plagued this little family here won out just before Christmas and those demons saw me here managing alone with my babes and a big wound in my heart.
It's funny almost 4 months on that I feel I can finally put it out here now. Not that the earth has quite stopped moving on me yet... no way, those complications seem to have their exhausting way of prolonging their untangling.... but it just hasn't felt right before to share this change here, even though as a result this blog has also outwardly changed somewhat in focus, feel and commitment during that time. I wonder if you felt it?
I'm hoping now to turn that right around, though there may be more soul sharing in amongst it all as I travel and ever so hesitantly explore this scary path further. So as those clouds still blow overhead, the first guava's fall from our tree, the autumn snow peas poke their heads through the earth and the girls lay perhaps the last of their summers eggs, and as we prepare ourselves for the cool of winter ahead, I will continue to steady myself on this shaky new ground until the earth moves right around to spring for me again.


Anonymous said...

Hope the ground steadies soon.
Thank you for reminding me of the simple things like watching clouds. I need to do more of this.
Good Luck

Anonymous said...

Just stopped by from the Frozen Tundra in the USA to say...it will all be okay! Good luck to you!

Madeline said...

Oh, you sweet lady. My heart goes out to you. I've been there, and it does feel scary and unsteady. But, you are so strong and such a good mama. You and your little ones are going to get through stronger than ever. I wish I lived nearby and could bring over dinner and a hug. Email me if you need a sympathetic ear (or I guess that would be eyes). Prayers and hugs to you!

Amanda said...

Here's to finding peace and warmth in the season's to come!

much love to you

Kelly said...

Step confidently one step at a time and sending blessings that all will be well. Thinking of you, dear mama.

Anonymous said...

lay back and watch the stars and listen to your heart that will guide you

Elflyn said...

Have been there, things do steady. Listen to your heart and your littles.
Thinking of you with love, sending peace.

shine little light* said...

*hug, dessert, babysitting, cup of tea* from me to you. *s*

Megan.K. said...

Leanne, I hope you find your steadiness again really soon. What a massive thing to go through. Stay gentle on yourself. xo

Tricia said...

I'm glad I read the more recent posts before this one. It's lovely to hear you are surounded by so much love and friendship. Take care xx