steadying myself

"Mama has the earth moved?"
That was the first question I was greeted with this morning as a sleepy eyed three year old boy ran in to me in the kitchen, fresh from dawn cloud gazing.
Of course it was just the clouds that were visibly moving... but little did he know just how timely his observation was for this Mama.
You see the earth has moved...metaphorically....right under my feet.
The demons that plagued this little family here won out just before Christmas and those demons saw me here managing alone with my babes and a big wound in my heart.
It's funny almost 4 months on that I feel I can finally put it out here now. Not that the earth has quite stopped moving on me yet... no way, those complications seem to have their exhausting way of prolonging their untangling.... but it just hasn't felt right before to share this change here, even though as a result this blog has also outwardly changed somewhat in focus, feel and commitment during that time. I wonder if you felt it?
I'm hoping now to turn that right around, though there may be more soul sharing in amongst it all as I travel and ever so hesitantly explore this scary path further. So as those clouds still blow overhead, the first guava's fall from our tree, the autumn snow peas poke their heads through the earth and the girls lay perhaps the last of their summers eggs, and as we prepare ourselves for the cool of winter ahead, I will continue to steady myself on this shaky new ground until the earth moves right around to spring for me again.